We’ve come to the end of another work week. Yay for the weekend!
I look back at my day and ask, “What did I learn today? What are the truths that came out of everything?” Well, here is my list for Friday, March 16, 2012.
- If the numbers look out of whack – and people are screaming about it – you might want to recheck the data. It’s interesting how one report can make so many people run around like a bunch of whirling dervishes (without any kind of GPS). It’s even more interesting how two people – independent of each other – can find one mistake that makes others say, “Um, let me run that data again.”
- When the directions for the job application say “fill out completely” or “list all,” um, you might want to consider doing that. Because that’s the information used for a background check. If it ain’t on the application, you just falsified, buddy! Yeah, we meant it when we said to list everything. Did you really think we were joking? C’mon!
- If you are afraid to drive on the big roads, please stay home. Seriously! If the Dan Ryan Expressway is a little too intimidating for you, make sure you’re nowhere near it during rush hour on a Friday afternoon. Are you crazy? You have to keep moving with traffic. Don’t come to a stop in the middle lane so that you can move over one lane to the right! You’re a 5-car pile up waiting to happen, dude. Stay with the flow, drive with confidence – but not bravado – and know where in the hell you’re doing! 60 miles an hour on the freeway is no time to program the GPS, unfold the map, or read the printout from GoogleMaps! The person mentioned below might be coming at you!
- If you think you’re Danica Patrick or Jeff Gordon, trust me, you’re not! First of all, Danica is way hotter than you and drives a much cooler car. (Sorry, couldn’t tell ya if Jeff is hotter or not…after looking at Danica, the other drivers are just grease monkeys in my mind.) Can you see those white, rectangular signs on the side of the road? They have black lettering. You’ll see numbers below the words “Speed Limit.” Those are instructions, not suggestions. Okay, I’m not the ultra-safe driver who stays 5 miles per hour below the speed limit. I’ll go 60 or 65 in a 55 zone. But, is it really necessary to go 80 or 85 in a 55 zone? And is it also necessary to move from lane to lane depending on which one will put you 3 feet further ahead? And is it necessary to do all of this without using turn signals? And is it necessary to do all of this without using brakes? And is it necessary to get 6 inches away from my rear bumper while traveling at these speeds? What if another idiot – very much like yourself – decides to pull in front of me – again with only 6 inches to spare – and I have to hit my brakes hard? What are you going to do then, Sparky? I’ll tell ya what you’re going to do. You’re going to drive right up my ass!! And trust me little man, you’re not my type. (And 6 inches just ain’t enough.)
- If it’s a Friday during Lent, the seafood place will be packed! Since it’s Lent and Mom and I don’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent, she and I have taken to getting our dinner from DiCola’s Seafood. We’ll get fish from DiCola’s on Christmas Eve as well – they fry up great cod and perch for us. Mom and I have a routine. We go back and forth with our typical routine: “What do you want for dinner?” “I don’t know, what do you want for dinner?” “Oh, it’s up to you. We’ll have whatever you want.” When we finally decide that DiCola’s is the place, our conversation will go a bit like this: “What should we get?” “I don’t care, whatever you want to get.” “Oh, it’s up to you. We’ll get whatever you want.” ARGH! When the decision is finally made, Mom calls in the order and I stop by to pick it up on the way home. And it’s always crazy-busy! Of course! It’s Friday (people really don’t want to cook on Fridays) and it’s Lent (there are a lot of Catholics on the Southside). McDonald’s will be having a run on the Filet o Fish, too.
- I will be poked! I can always count on opening my Facebook page and seeing that I’ve been poked by a decent number of people. Among the list of “pokers”, invariably, will be Karin Kallmaker, MJ Lowe, and Pol Robinson. Stacy Clarke will throw in a poke now and then, too. If it’s a particularly lucky day, I’ll have been poked by Amy Dawson Robertson and Bren Miller as well. And, as much as I will be poked, I will poke right back!
What were your truths today?