I went to see Fun Home almost 3 weeks ago. (Read my review here.) Since seeing the show, I’ve been listening to the soundtrack almost constantly. “Alexa, listen to Fun Home – A New Broadway Musical” has become my most frequent request of my Amazon Echo. Honestly, it’s sort of an obsession.
While the circumstances are very different from my life, the feelings are so very accurate. I’ve never come out to my father. My father is not gay. My father did not commit suicide. So, no, those circumstances do not reflect my life at all. But I understand the relationships. I understand the abuse – both physical and psychological. I understand the desire to simply be seen and acknowledged as a capable person.
Perhaps I need to make myself back away from Fun Home for a while. Because, honestly, every time I listen to it, more long-buried memories start creeping to the surface again. I’m going to need to deal with those…and I just don’t know if I want to. Or if I’m ready. I’m going to be 49-years-old in just four and a half months. Stuff from when I was 8, 10, 14, 16, 18 – it’s finding its way into my dreams. Both asleep and awake. Stuff no one knows about. My mother didn’t even know. And it’s coming back.
I may write about it in detail some day. I may not. I just don’t know. But, for now, I needed to write this.
Carleen, Take your time. If it was an easy path, you would have walked it years ago. Know you don’t walk alone. “Just doing the next right thing” is usually enough to keep me moving and upright. And there are many wiser women even further ahead. Ona