Tomorrow is the day before Thanksgiving in the United States. This will end up being one of my busiest days of the year. (Until Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.) So, what exactly is my “Big Gay Thanksgiving Agenda?” Lemme ‘splain.
First thing in the morning, right after I get up, will be to take my morning pills – 4 prescriptions, Fish Oil, Apple Cider Vinegar, and Turmeric/Tart Cherry. (Radical!) After that, I will shower and get dressed – likely sweatpants and t-shirt. (Oh!) I’ll need to make a quick run to the store – I have all of my ingredients, but I forgot to get more cat food on Sunday. (Savage!) When I return home, I’ll put food in the cats’ bowl. (The nerve!)
Now the real anarchy begins.
I have three stalks of celery and 3 large onions in my fridge. They will be diced and chopped relentlessly! Poor veggies. They will be the victims of my pent up aggressions. It doesn’t end there, however. They will be sauteed until they’ve reached just the right color and texture. I will be merciless! While they cool, the ground beef will be cooked and browned. Slowly. Methodically.
At that point, I’ll take a break. I’ll need to. I will need to refuel to prepare for the uptick in my rebellion.
Once I’ve been replenished and rejuvenated, it will be time to mix all of these ingredients together. BRACE YOURSELVES! (It starts getting a little crazy.) The meat, celery, and onions will be put into a large mixing bowl. I’ll add some eggs, bread (torn into small pieces), salt, pepper, sage, and poultry seasoning.
After thoroughly washing my hands, I will sink them into the mixture and begin squishing it all together. The feel of the meat, vegetables, eggs, and spices squeezing through my fingers will bring me such joy. For I will imagine it is the brain matter (or lack thereof) of my enemies. I will chuckle gleefully as I pound the ingredients into submission. Individually, they are just ingredients. Combined – in just the right measures – they will become Thanksgiving stuffing. Once just the right texture, consistency, and taste have been achieved, the bowl will be covered and put into the refrigerator. I will ignore it until Thursday morning.
I will spend a good hour tomorrow evening scrubbing the kitchen counter and the sink. Soon, it will be time to deal with the turkey. (Does the agenda ever stop?!)
Somewhere in the realm of 10:00pm tomorrow, I will clean and begin preparing my turkey – all 21 pounds of it. (The audacity!) The goal is to have it in the oven by 1:00am. It will cook overnight. (I’m truly a rebel!)
So, this is fair warning! My Big Gay Thanksgiving Agenda will be in full swing tomorrow! Making turkey and stuffing! Look out!